when you have a water gun battle with your child, do this

I love to go to the movies.

I wish I could afford to go more often, but because I enjoy popcorn and an Icee with my movie, we only go when it’s a blockbuster. My preferred genre is action movies where the hero gets the girl and the good guy never dies.

When it comes to movies, I also have a dream…I want to be an extra in a movie. I’m not looking for anything big, I just want to be on the set and in the movie enough so that I could point myself out to friends and family. I could play a corpse because I can be real still. Or maybe just someone in a crowd shot…I can blend in. If I stretch myself, I believe that as I stand in the crowd I could actually react to what is going on around me. If called upon, I believe I could cry while on camera. I’ve already picked out some painful memories to think about. I’m ready.

Oh, and I would make it a point not to bother the stars with selfie requests, I promise.

So what on earth does this have to do with water gun battles?

When you have a water gun battle with your child, do this: act.

Let me show you what I mean. To get things started, squirt your child lightly in the back, and when they turn around, act like you didn’t do it. Then “accidentally” drop the gun from behind your back. Pick it up quick and act like nothing happened. Next, give your child the most mischievous grin that you can muster and ask “wanna play?”

The temptation is just too great. They’re in.

But what should your child do about a gun? Say “stay right here. I’ll be right back.” Bring out the biggest Super Soaker that you think your child can handle. Make sure it is loaded and ready to go. You might need to show your child how to pump it up if they have not yet had access to that information at this point in life. Once your child is all set, squirt ’em and run.

(A brief note about your gun: you should NOT have a big gun. In fact, the smaller the better.)


And now we get to the fun part…the real acting. It’s time to lose this battle in a major way. Here’s some ways to do it:

– move your arms fast but run slow.
– when you shoot, miss a lot.
– hold your gun backwards and shoot yourself.
– drop your gun.
– drop your gun and then step on it. Make it look like an accident.
– trip, fall, and launch your gun into the stratosphere. Now your child can have your gun too while you act like you can’t find it.
– climb a tree to escape. There’s nowhere to run. Let them unload on you.
– once your child has you pinned to the ground or in a tree, beg them not to shoot you as you laugh hysterically.
– take the cat hostage. (Don’t actually take the cat hostage. It doesn’t know that you’re acting and will react accordingly.)

So how do you end a water gun battle? When your child runs out of water, it’s over…no refills. The reason? Always leave them wanting more. You’ll want to pull this baby out many times during the summer. Suggest that you go get Icees.


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